“Life is either a daring adventure or nothing
at all”, said Helen
Keller.
Salam
(peace).
Today’s post will be slightly different.
Today’s post will be slightly different.
When I say
“different”, I mean it’ll be a bit more on the personal side. And when I say
“personal side”, I mean it’s more of a
“what’s-going-on-inside-my-head-that-I-need-to-get-out-somehow” kind of post.
Brace
yourself, please, and bear with me. It would be much appreciated.
Today I
want to make a change in my life. I find myself reading article after article
and book after book about changing yourself for the better, attaining positive
personality traits, finding peace within yourself and how to make a difference
(for the better, that is), but am I
becoming a better person? If you ask me, I’ll honestly say no.
The fact of
the matter is; something’s always in the way. Sometimes it’s school (but I’ll
be graduating soon, so that’ll be out of the way). Sometimes it’s those around
me (but people change all the time, so why hold grudges?). Sometimes it’s just
the way I see myself, but then again, am I not the one who wants to change? Why
don’t I give myself a chance?
Maybe it’s because there’s something else that’s blocking my path; something that’s more fundamental. Maybe it’s because I’m going through a period of my life where in just a few tidbits of time, I’ll be seeing massive change. And maybe I’m just not ready for that? Maybe I really am not ready for change, and that’s what is getting in my way. I want to change for the better, but I don’t feel ready. I want everything else around me to adapt to the way I am feeling (which is utopic), rather than the other way around (which is life). Yes, it may sound “human” – however that term is to be defined. But is this what I’m supposed to be doing? Once again, if you ask me, I’ll simply disagree.
My mind is soaring and it’s filled with all the things I want to be better at. There are so many areas where I want to excel, so many places I want to go and see, and so many things I want to explore and experience! But my lack of being able to face change is hindering me. I like feeling secure and tucked away. I like having guidelines and rules. I enjoy being able to think that someone else is taking care of my responsibilities and all I have to do is just do what I need to.
But I don't
always feel content. I feel like I’m living in oblivion of myself – however weird
that sounds. As if I’m here, physically intact; I’m a physical manifestation on
this Earth, but I’m not really aware of myself. I know I’m here, but I just don’t
think about it. Does that sound too abstract?
I’m going
to need to change. I HAVE to change. Am I not compelled to change? If there’s
one pattern I can see in my life, it’s that I go through this EVERY.SINGLE.TIME
there’s some major change in my life, and yet I just don’t seem to learn from
it. What is it that’s wrong with me?
Is it
because I have too many things? Or maybe on the contrary it’s because I so
selfishly believe that I don’t have enough? That I want more? That I need more?
I feel like
I’m running off on a sidetrack here, but my point is; I want to change myself.
I want to have goals and ambitions that I can REACH. I want to be able to look
back and tell myself; “At least you tried and put the effort into it, and
really, that’s all that matters.”
Imagine having to look back at life and thinking “where did it all go? What have I done with my life? What is there left to do now? It’s too late.”
May God never ever put is in such a state. I hope for all of us that we can continuously be in a state of positive change and optimism. I hope that we can develop ourselves for the better and constantly strive towards improving ourselves mentally. And most of all, I hope that we can start living a life of awareness; knowing who we are and where we want to see ourselves in a few years’ time. Having a plan and sticking to it, choosing to be and choosing to live. Because when else will we get the chance to do so?
Imagine having to look back at life and thinking “where did it all go? What have I done with my life? What is there left to do now? It’s too late.”
May God never ever put is in such a state. I hope for all of us that we can continuously be in a state of positive change and optimism. I hope that we can develop ourselves for the better and constantly strive towards improving ourselves mentally. And most of all, I hope that we can start living a life of awareness; knowing who we are and where we want to see ourselves in a few years’ time. Having a plan and sticking to it, choosing to be and choosing to live. Because when else will we get the chance to do so?
Take care
and until next time.
- Aysha
- Aysha

























